Sycamore Smith - The Censored Sailor

      This song is somewhat difficult due to the fast chord changes at the end of each verse and chorus.  
The chords are from the man himself though the B7 sounds a little off to me during the verses.  
You can experiment with different voicings to find what works for you.  
The lyrics are from http://www.sycamoresmith.com/lyrics/censored.html so they're pretty official.  
I tried to get the timing right but the song is pretty fast-paced. 
Also:  This song is not exactly what I'd call child friendly.  You have been warned.
Without further ado:


THE CENSORED SAILOR
by Sycamore Smith

STANDARD TUNING
NO CAPO

INTRO:  G F E / F G F / G F G C - / C E

B7
I caught a spot of rabies last Fall
            E
While I was roaming through the South—
       B7
It was raining cats & dogs and every cat and dog
       E              B7
was foaming at the mouth...
       E         B7
I met a wild-eyed spinster on the back of a bus
                          E
She asked if there was any part of her I'd like to touch
                    B7
When I told her "Yer nuts!" she got mad at me
                              E E7 C B7
And lectured on female anatomy...
------
CHORUS:
A                   D
I got a tight white sailor's suit on
G                         A
I got some business with you on the futon
F                           G
If you got the time, honey, I got the moolah
   Am    Am7           F      E
I'm not Mr Right, but I am Mr Two Wrongs...
A               D
Cardinals with fuchsia feathers
G                   A
Grip their flies and flap together
F                       G
Here comes a bird with a ball on a tether
Am             E           Am         E
Followed by another and another and another
         Am              E          Am           … E
And the rest of this adventure is CENSORED
------
B7
Flanagan went a full year without bathing
                                     E
And he reeked like a Hell-born beast

He used to slick his hair back every day
            B7        E         B7
With a bear claw and elbow grease
                         E
So I told him "You'll be showered with candy and treats
                    B7
If you can knock a piñata off the branch of a tree"
                        E
But what I showed him was not a pinata, no,
         B7               E    E7    C     B7
'Twas a beehive, actually...

A7          B7                 E
Thus he was chased by the bees,
        A7                  B7       E
They followed him down to the creek
    A7           B7
He jumped in the water—
     E
The upshot's he got his
      A7      B7           E E7 C B7
First bath in fifty-two weeks

Middle Kazoo Part:
A D / G A / F G / Am Am7 F E
A D / G A / F G / Am E / Am E / Am E / Am E
------
          B7
If yer a wealthy old codger then y'better not lodge here
          E
At the Amputated Arms Hotel, pop—
     B7
The man behind the counter, though a brute & a bounder
      E           B7             E
Is a milk-sop next to the bell-hop
                      B7
Who'd rather turn you inside oot & backwards
                                 E
Than pamper you, you highfalutin bastard—
              B7
Ask him for a hand with your bag
           E                B7              E     E7    C     B7                       
And you are gonna catch a boot in yer sack, sir!

------
CHORUS:
A                    D
I got a tight white sailor's suit on
G                        A
I got some business with you on the futon
F                          G
If you got the time, honey, I got the moolah
    Am     Am7       F      E
I'm not Mr Right, but I am Mr Two Wrongs...
A             D
Cardinals with fuchsia feathers
G                   A
Grip their flies and flap together
F                       G
Here comes a bird with a ball on a tether
Am          E             Am           E   
Followed by another and another and another
Am                       E            Am      … E
And the rest of this adventure is CENSORED

OUTRO:  G F E / F G F / G F G C - / C E