Bruce McCulloch - Answering Machine

      [Intro]
          F   C
I love my
          F   C
I love my

F  C  G  C  F C


[Chorus]
          F         C
I love my answering machine
          F         C
I love my answering machine
   C                  G7             C   F  C
It keeps the people I know away from me


[Verse 1]
  F           C
I don't watch TV
F              C
Don't watch my weight
  C        G7        C       F  C
I watch my answering machine
C
My best friend says
          G7
"It's me. Pick it up." I say "nope"
  C
My girlfriend says
          G7
"It's me. Pick it up." I say "nope"
C                                  F
"Mr. Harris from the bank calling. Please pick up."
G7
Yeah, right
F         G         C     F  C
I love my answering machine


[Chorus]
          F         C
I love my answering machine
          F         C
I love my answering machine
   C           G7         C   F  C
It talks to my friends for me


[Verse 2]
F                   C
Do I want to go for dinner?
F                           C
Should we meet somewhere at eight?
C             G7                C       F  C
Only if I can take my answering machine


[Chorus]
          F         C
I love my answering machine
          F         C
I love my answering machine
   C                  G7             C   F  C
It keeps the people I know away from me


[Verse 3]
C
Sometimes I miss it
       G7
In the middle of the afternoon
C
I call it up
   G7
To see how it's doing
C
How can I tell my gal
F                  G7
Who I'm whispering to?
F                G7           C    F  C
You know it's my answering machine


[Chorus]
          F         C
I love my answering machine
          F         C
I love my answering machine
   C                  G7             C   F  C
It keeps the people I love away from me


[Spoken Interlude]
C C/B Am
My answering machine says
             C
Hi, this is Bruce. I'm not here right now
C C/B  Am
So please leave a message and I'll get back to you
                   C
Thank you. Bye-bye.
                                     C C/B  Am
What my answering machine should say is
                                                C
Hi, this is Bruce. I am here right now. And I'm listening to you,
                                       G#
But I'm not gonna pick up. So, leave a message
                         G                           C   F  C
And I probably won't get back to you. Thank you. Bye-bye.


[Chorus]
          F         C
I love my answering machine
          F         C
I love my answering machine
   C                G7        C   F  C
It keeps you people away from me


[Bridge]
               G7
I collect calls, like spinsters collect porcelain dolls
C
Sometimes I'll get fearless
              G7
And return one
C
But I'll only speak
F                          G
If on the other end of the phone
F          G7        C
Is another answering machine


[Chorus]
            F         C
We love our answering machines
            F         C
We love our answering machines
     C                  G7             C  F C
They keep the people we know away from me
            F         C
We love our answering machines
            F         C
We love our answering machines
            C                      G7             C   F C
They're the very best thing that's ever been invented